You could drench your life in colors or dye your hair any shade you want but midlife crisis may still hit you like a train!
An exaggeration is unnecessary to highlight the wide-scale prevalence of this tragedy which leaves perfectly fulfilling marriages on the brink of collapse. The statistics may center only on one of the two partners but the disease infects the relationship in its entirety and envelops the unaffected partner in its fold as well.
Studies show that men may lose the battle against an overarching need to fill the vacuum in their lives with material things in their forties and fifties. However, the onset of a midlife crisis in women happens a decade earlier, around their late thirties and early forties.
Unlike its misguided depiction in popular culture, midlife crisis in either gender is not about going on a spree to shop all the brands that one’s youth did not allow one to afford or make considerably large transactions on posh cars. Neither is it just about opting for expensive cosmetic treatments and surgeries to distract attention from the graying roots.
The issue runs deeper than the wrinkling skin and farther than the receding hairline. Research indicates that 10% of the middle-aged victims of this crisis suffer from bouts of depression while going through this phase of life. It could either be triggered by a sudden event that shook one’s senses like a death or loss. Or it could be due to the monotony of one’s life that sets in motion a series of jolting epiphanies about the meaninglessness of their existence.
These thoughts can provoke drastic measures that an individual is willing to take for the sake of relief from this constant torture. This could take the shape of divorce, seeking recluse from one’s social life and receding into isolation or draining out all savings to gratify the impulse for discovering a purpose. It is not only painful for the victim but also becomes unbearably torturous for the partner who is helplessly witnessing their relationship deteriorating inch by inch.
Here are a few suggestions to help a partner going through midlife crisis because you have pass the stage of finding your life partner.
Standing By Your Man
In the case of women, dealing with a man’s midlife crisis is relatively less alien to them because as statistics show, they may have gone through it themselves just a few years ago.
Knowing the mechanism of how depressive thoughts, whims, irrational impulses, and negativity play out during this phase, women can help their partners navigate through this thicket together. Even though this mental state takes a different shape in men than women, the key to recovering from it is still the same. Responding to your man in a curt tone, blaming him for his emotional condition and holding him responsible for a list of allegations will only worsen the wounds left by this crisis.
The best way is to offer love and support which makes him realize that this is the purpose in his life: his wife and their marriage. Make him feel important as a partner and make it seem like the marriage needs his devotion to survive. Showing him the extent of destruction left behind in his absence will give him a reason to strive to fix it.
Revisit Your Youth
Midlife crisis is generally spurred by a realization of the lost time and a need to race against age and reclaim one’s youth. Even though it might seem unimportant and dis-empowering to resort to cosmetic help in order to look younger and more attractive, personal care and self-grooming don’t hurt to mend a marriage.
Here are a few tips to ponder over:
- If your husband and you have shared a history of college life, go back to your vintage collection. Pick out dresses that you used to wear back in the days that (preferably) he had admired. With some alterations, you can go all vintage to make your man see the woman you areand the woman you are.
- Contact mutual college/school friends and plan a vacation or dinner with them. Getting him to talk about old memories and reliving them with people who were a part of the past, will offer some comfort.
- Plan a surprise or create a throwback photo-album containing aesthetically-pleasing pictures of him. Show him how gracefully he has aged and how much a few fashionable grays can accentuate his physical appeal.
- Think of substitutes for material things. Enroll in courses that teach a new skill or embark on a self-discovering journey with meditation practices to enhance self-knowledge and reduce stress.
Give Her Your Love For Self Love
If a woman is going through such a situation, it is best to make her see the beauty in herself by telling her how beautiful she still looks.
One way to do this is by surprising her with a planned mock wedding ceremony on your anniversary and carrying out all the rituals in the same manner. This will not only show her that she is still wanted, but also tell her that you are willing to marry her again if given the chance to relive your married life. Making their marriage fulfilling for themselves and their partner is a purpose most women look for in life.
Showing a woman how well she has excelled in doing that will do more than express your gratitude to her. It will boost her self-confidence and show how much her efforts are valued. In other words, it will certify her success at being a woman!
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