Even though you know your partner likes you a lot and that it’s the right first step, you can’t help but feel a bit intimidated. You’ve been with your significant other for months now but knowing that you’re going to have the talk, that voice in the back of your head is screaming in panic and you’re getting second thoughts.
Firstly, tell that voice in the back of your head to shut up.
Even though you’re having fun in your relationship, that voice and the panic that ensues from it will make you start second-guessing everything that’s happening and that’s when trouble starts. Your internal thought process might tell you that you shouldn’t be too clingy or needy when you give them the talk.
And while you do try not to, your careful planning messes up and you end up spilling out all your feelings.
Two Things Can Happen Because of this…
First, if they too feel as strongly for you as you do for them, they’ll accept that they’ve had the same feelings and they really do want to be with you, they were just scared of saying anything. Then you will hug and kiss, music will rise to a crescendo and flower petals will shower from the sky.
Or they might tell you that they like you as well but their feelings are lukewarm. They might also stonewall you and shut down the topic altogether. In the coming days, they might start to pull away and then in the end, have their own talk, where they’ll tell you that they’re not ready for exclusivity and commitment. Hang-outs will drop to 1-2 meetings per week.
Both are of course, hypothetical scenarios, both possible (except for the flowers and music). Yet, there must be a way to convey your thoughts without making your partner feel cornered. Remember, commitment is a big factor. You don’t want the other person to become frightened and give you an answer they and you will regret later.
How Do You Give the Right Statement?
Your statement should be about your own standards. It must focus on what you want from your relationship and your current status. It shouldn’t be an ultimatum. Rather, it should be a casual statement.
Something like I’m interested in a relationship which progresses toward commitment at some point.
You’re discussing your standards and your expectations, not talking about what they should or shouldn’t be doing. By making sure you both are on the same page, they won’t feel led on later on. They’ll know that the ball is in their court and that you have the right to end your relationship if your needs aren’t met. That gives you power but it also conveys your message to them clearly.
What they do next is all up to them!
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